It’s been 28 years since my grandfather passed away. This man meant the world to me. He was the grumpiest old man on the outside, but inside, you knew he was a big cozy teddy bear just waiting for his hug and kiss, so he could pretend he didn’t want it. He had such an impact on my life, and I can’t explain in words how much I loved this man.
I was very fortunate to live across the road from my grandparents growing up, and this man was my walking, talking play toy since I was born. He loved children, and I loved spending time with him. I remember when he passed thinking that I got robbed…how could I lose the love of my life in grade 9? But, that was my teenage brain feeling sorry for itself. I now cherish all the great memories of this man, and love reflecting on memories…he still makes me laugh!
I can still picture the scene in my head. It feels like yesterday, even though I was only in grade 9. It’s one of those childhood memories, you want to forget but just can’t. The phone rang, and my father rushed out of the house, explaining that he was going across the road to see his parents. Of course we wanted to go too, we jumped at every chance to spend time with our grandparents, but this time, there was no response from my father, and the door slammed in our faces.
We went down to the basement, where we watched my father sprint across the road. Although, dad pretended he was just running over for a quick visit, we could tell with the short responses, the slamming door and his hurried steps that something was wrong.
Of course, we tormented my mother with questions…What’s up? Why didn’t dad answer us? Why did he run across the road? She tried to answer us to the best of her ability without raising any flags, but children can read when their parents are hurting.
We could feel her voice vibrating with every answer as she tried to keep us calm. It was that familiar shake in her voice and we knew that it meant she was fighting back tears. My brother and I knew it was best to leave my mother alone, and so together we went down stairs to peer out the window to see if we could see anything through the light in my grandparents’ home in the dark of the night.
Then the nightmare began…sirens…loud screeching sirens of the ambulance. The workers rushed in with a stretcher being carried between the two of them…now we could see lots. Probably more than we should have, but the darkness of the night allowed the houselights to put the spotlight on the entire situation.
It’s an image I can never erase…his limp body being carried out on the stretcher and the sirens raring off into the darkness of the night…now, we wanted answers, but were too scared to know the truth.
Today, I saw an ambulance parked at a house and the two ambulance attendance, rushing in a house with the stretcher…instant tears. My son looked over at me, knowing that he was going to see pain in my eyes, and tears streaming down my face. It happens every time I see this scene. It triggers a memory I just can’t shake. Twenty eight years have went by, and the pain is still there. Even though, I know he is in a magnificent place in this universe.
John 11:25-26 assures me…“Jesus said to her, “I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die. Do you believe this?”
I totally do! So, why do I get so affected by the sight of this scene every time? I have no idea why…maybe it’s grief that I haven’t dealt with? Or is it self-pity? Could it be that I just miss my grandfather? Or maybe I feel the pain that the people in that situation are going through? I have no idea…I can’t explain the lump in my chest, but it happens every time.
Our mind is a powerful weapon, and we are what we believe we are. We have a huge power to change things. Sadly, we can’t bring people back, but our thoughts are the building blocks of our life. We can change the way we deal with the grief of losing someone in our lives. My mother-in-law lost her mother when she was very young, and says she still thinks about her mother every day.
The pain never goes away when we lose a loved one, but we have to realize that we are wired the way we process our difficulties like this. Who you are is in line with our thoughts, so let’s realign ourselves with God, and let him help fix these sorrows so that we have divine love in our lives, even when our loved ones are in heaven…waiting for us.