It’s a long weekend this weekend, and it’s always a very special weekend to me. Not only is it my brother’s birthday (Happy Birthday D!), but it is also my anniversary weekend. Two reasons to celebrate! The birth of my brother, and the start of a life-long commitment with a man I chose to spend the rest of my life with.
In all honesty, I have to say marriage has been the most difficult job I have ever faced. At first it was incredible! Spectacular, actually! We had three blissful years travelling the world, doing things that we enjoyed to do as a couple as well as individually, and had so much fun together.
Then the day came when we decided to have children. Wow! Nobody can prepare you for what this brings to a marriage. Marriage is a tough job, having children is a tough job, now throw in juggling it all and you have a recipe for disaster! All of a sudden this incredible little human being who is completely helpless enters your world, and your priorities take a different route. You feel obligated to give your 100% to this miniature creature and have nothing left to give to anything.
After a year, I found out to my surprise I was pregnant for another child. Eeeeeek! How was I going to handle this? I couldn’t handle being a wife and a mother, now I am going to be a mother of two. Stress city! Thank goodness for my mother, convincing me that I could handle it all, and that God doesn’t give you what you can’t handle.
As the years passed by, I will have to say, I did catch onto the mothering thing, but I also have to admit that I let my relationship with my husband take the back burner so to speak. He just didn’t seem as important to me in my list of priorities. It wasn’t until life started crumbling around me that I realized this was an area that I might have to start focusing on.
Woman have such a different perspective on marriage than men do. I think we spend much of our time believing that fairytales exist and that everyone else’s marriage looks so much better than our own. Facebook can really play tricks like this on people’s minds. In reality, everyone’s marriage is going through the same struggles and turmoil, some people just like to sugar coat theirs and let the world think everything is great.
If you read any of my blogs, you are familiar with the fact that I use failure in my children’s lives as great teachable moments and try to give them strategies to deal with them. The same holds true with our marriages. We are ALL faced with difficulties in our marriages, but again it is what you choose to do with these struggles and failures that will determine the outcome of your marriage.
We’re all dealing with it, whether we want to admit it or not. Maybe you are struggling financially in your marriage—I know how expensive children in sports are! It could be you are having emotional problems and just not feeling that connection to your spouse anymore. There is always the disappointment that things are not going the way you imagined marriage to be. Is your spouse suffering from an addiction of some sort? Or the worst of the worst, are you trying to push through a situation of infidelity? Whatever it is that is dealt to you in your marriage, I’m sure it isn’t pleasant but you do have choices. You can choose defeat, or you can try and fight for your family, your children’s wellbeing and most importantly for something that was once an incredible relationship.
Your first step is turning to our Creator for answers and if you have any questions about marriage, start reading Ephesians. It has all the ingredients to fix any problem you have. To me the most important verse is Ephesians 5:21 which states, “Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Why is this so important? Because if we treated our spouse the way Jesus Christ gave up his life for us many of our problems would be eliminated.
Submitting might be a scary word, but if you try putting your spouse ahead of all your needs and the needs of your children (like I am sure you did when you were dating), you will see your relationship transform. That is the way God created marriage to be. Selfless. Try it for yourself and see the transformation. God’s word will bring new life to your marriage and maybe even make it better than it was before.