“Sick-Self”

Flu season.  Yuck!  My least favorite time of the year, but something that we all have to endure.  I’ve been fortunate not to get too down and out with the latest bug, but when I was stricken, laying in my sickness, it got me to appreciate things.  The important things.  The things that matter.

Did you ever notice that when you are plagued with a cold or stomach virus, life starts to stand still?  All you care about is getting better.  You don’t care that your hair isn’t perfect, or your makeup isn’t done.  The dishes are piling up and the dust is starting to be visible on your furniture’s surface, but you could care less.  It doesn’t matter to you that the floors haven’t been swept in a few days or that the family is starting to run out of clean clothes.  All these trivial little things in life seem to vanish through the pain and suffering of your sickness.  Your focus is just getting yourself better so that you can start to take care of things again and get back to your “normal” life.

In all honesty, we have to start looking at life through the eyes of our “sick-self”, it is the smart self.  Our “sick-self” has its priorities straight.  It easily distinguishes between what is important in this life and what is secondary.  We have to start making more time to nurture this “sick-self”.  Pamper it the way it needs to be pampered.

We have to start training our “healthy-self” to act like our “sick-self” by making sure we get our primary needs met in front of anyone else’s.  It is necessary that we get proper sleep, nutrition, exercise, and time in silence every day.  We have to stop putting our “healthy-self” on the back burner of life.  We have to start making it the most important priority, then the rest of our lives will fall into place.

This doesn’t mean that we are selfish and become self-absorbed.  It just means that we look after ourselves first and then other loved ones after that.  We will have more energy, patience and love to pass around if we take care of ourselves like we were sick every day.  Focus on what is important in our lives.

I love this quote from A Course in Miracles, “Nothing outside yourself can save you; nothing outside yourself can give you peace. But this also means that nothing outside yourself can hurt you or disturb your peace or upset you in anyway.” 

We have to start saving ourselves, and loving ourselves so that we can have inner peace.  We need this inner peace to make our lives run smoother and get the most out of our days.  We are the only ones that can hurt ourselves and that is by neglecting ourselves.

Start making the changes in your life for yourself.  Start taking care of yourself  as you would take care of yourself when you are sick.  Before you leave the house in the morning get up early, like you would for a sick child…your “sick-self” to make sure they are well taken care of before you have to leave for the day.

Take this extra time that you set aside in the morning to do what makes you happy.  Sit in meditation or silence.  Exercise.  Do yoga.  Write in your Appreciation Journal.  Whatever it is that makes you feel happy and that makes you a better person, do it!  You are more than worth it!

Buddha put it a great way, “You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”   It’s time to start nursing your perceived “healthy-self” back to health.  Start today by making the changes necessary to make you, out of anyone in this entire universe, your first priority.  Take care of yourself like you were sick.  Watch how quickly your body heals and the flu season that you thought would never end will finally come to an end.

I’m a sucker for happy endings, and your happy ending is all up to you!  You bring yourself happiness, and you bring yourself upset.  Which will it be for you?

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Valentine’s Day?

Yay!  Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day!  I’m not a huge fan of this crazy holiday, even though I’m all about love and kindness.  To me this holiday just shouldn’t exist.  Don’t get me wrong, I love that we honor those we love, but in my opinion this should be a daily occurrence, not a once a year celebration.  If we spent more time being loving and respectful to those that we love, the world might be a better place.  We treat total strangers better than we treat our loved ones by times, and Valentine’s Day sometimes sets people’s expectations too high, which in turn opens the door for hurt and disappointment.

How many of you have watched the Big Bang Theory and witnessed Sheldon Cooper’s Relationship Agreement?  People may laugh at this 31 paged contract, but in all honesty, this is what we all do.  We all start a relationship on the thoughts that our significant other holds a role in our lives.  We feel they have responsibilities that they need to fill.

They say falling in love is similar to taking a hit of cocaine.  This intimate relationship effects the brain very much the same, by triggering the same euphoria or high and actually the release of these chemicals stimulates 12 areas of the brain.  This stimulation only last about a year, and then the thrill of this love is over.  This is when the Relationship Agreement starts to take effect!  The powerful effects of adrenaline are over and our expectations kick in…along with disappointment too.

Does this sound familiar?  Were you once head over heels in love with your Valentine, and had all these hopes and dreams for a life just like a romance novel or a fairytale?  One thing I’ve learned over the course of my adulthood is that fairytales don’t exist…well meeting the person of your dreams may exist, but the happily ever after part is the part that is misleading.  No Prince Charming is ever going to make you happy forever.  The only person that will make you happy is you.  I stress that so much with my children.  Nobody affects your happiness, but your own inner person.  That is the person you should fall madly in love with.

Once people get comfortable with each other, and the year of adrenaline has worn off, people start to take people for granted.  Their hopes and dreams start to get dumped onto their fairytale lover and the sky really does start to fall.  The Relationship Agreement starts to show through.  A contract that maybe unwritten on paper, but quite substantiated in people’s heads.  You don’t fulfill your end of the contract, and I am not going to fulfill my end of the contract.  This seems to be the path that relationships eventually take.  If people were to write out a Relationship Contract, like Sheldon suggests then there might not be so many divorces?

According to Huffington Post, the number one reason marriages fail is communication issues.  Right back to the contract again.  If we all would sit down and decide on what is expected of us and what is not, there might not be so many divorces.  Who knows?  But really.  Do we need this contract?  As soon as we make this a business deal, the romance is totally out of the relationship.  But we all do it.  We all make a business deal with our spouses eventually and feel like we are owed by them.

Add kids into the mix and it totally escalates.  I had the kids all day yesterday while you were golfing, you owe me a day kid-free.  I made the lunches and the supper, you owe me to clean up and show me that you appreciate me.  I took the kids to both of their sports while you were at a meeting and I haven’t had a second to myself all day, it’s your turn.  This is when the contract would be great right?  The contract says, “I do half the work and you do half the work.”

As soon as we start keeping score this is when bitterness and anger sets in.  You feel like you are on the losing team and being totally taken advantage of.  I get that, but it’s our ego that keeps score.  Not our spirit.  Would you be keeping score how many times you helped out a friend maybe watching their children while they have to do something?  No.  Probably not, but you are keeping score on what you do for your own children?  Is that right?

Luckily for me, I started turning inward and discovering who I was, thanks to A Course in Miracles.  This book changed my life, and my marriage.  I love this quote from that book, “When you meet anyone, remember it is a holy encounter. As you see him you will see yourself. As you treat him you will treat yourself.”  I can admit I wasn’t treating my husband, or myself very well for a long time, and I was miserable.  Why?  Because I was thinking we had this Relationship Contract, however, letting go of this contract and my ego is really helping in this area.  Not just with my relationship with my husband but also with everyone around me.  I am starting to treat everyone like they are as important as Jesus to me.

I also love this quote by ACM, “If you attack error in another, you will hurt yourself.”  How true is this?  For those that keep score, doesn’t it really only hurt you?  Is it hurting your loved one by you getting all bitter and angry inside?  No.  It is only hurting you.  Which also makes me think of this quote by Buddha, “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”

This Valentine’s Day, and every other day from here forward, let go of your ego and stop the score keeping on your relationship.  Let go of our resentment towards our loved ones, and start treating them like every time you are together it is a holy encounter.  Put the hot coals down, it is really only burning you…not your spouse.  Cherish your loved ones today and make everyday a special day like Valentine’s Day!

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Why the Need to be Right?

Since the first day I’ve had my children, I’ve loved every age of their lives.  I would always say to them, “Stay this age forever.”  When they were two and four, I loved it.  When they were 10 and 12 I totally enjoyed them.  Even now, when they are 13 and 15 I still love their age.  Although people would warn me that the teenage years were going to be tough–I am still loving this age.  All ages have their pros and cons for sure, but I’ve always believed that children are what you put into them.  And with me, I guess all the craziness that I’ve put into them has served me well.

I will admit that there are times when their teenaged egos come out that I am quickly trying to remind them that their beasts are on the loose and to reel them in.  In reality, the only thing they really bicker over is whose sport is tougher.  Gymnastics or Baseball.

Picture the conversations.  My daughter trains 17 hours a week in the gym working hard at all different conditioning exercises.  She can whip off 10 chin-ups with her knees held at a 90 degree angle like it is nothing and catapult her body in the air and do two and a half twist while having the proprioception to land dead on her feet.  My son on the other hand couldn’t do the conditioning activities that she can do, but he does throw a mean fast ball quite fast and accurately and can hit the moving sphere over the fence for a home-run.

Their arguments are very equal, and they both are fantastic athletes at their chosen sports.  I try not to get involved in their need to prove themselves except to remind them that it is just their ego’s need to be right…not their consciousness.  In all reality, it matters not who is right or wrong.  But for some reason, human beings have a need to prove themselves.  This really comes out of people when it comes to religion and the right and the wrongs of this topic.

I watch a lot of Youtube videos and I love reading the comments of people.  This is when you see people’s egos really shining through and their need to prove that their way is the only way.  Just like my two children proving their belief of which sport is the best sport.

One of the most recent ones that caught my attention for her eagerness to express her beliefs to the world was from a Melissa Smith and she said, “How can you teach a “principle of religion” without teaching how to worship the GOD of ALL Religions?  Everyone, LORD KRISHNA, Son of Vrindarin, Lord of Dwarka, SUPREME GODHEAD HIMSELF is back!  Jesus, Muhammed or any of the Demigods are NOT the Supreme Lord of this planet and universe.  KRISHNA is LORD, teach them correctly or choose to be chastised by KRISHNA.”

I love the passion in these people, just like I love the passion in my children for their beloved sport, but is there really a right or wrong answer?  Faith is a wonderful gift, and I am happy Melissa Smith has such faith that Krishna is the only way to go, but we all know that Christians’ egos would be rearing it’s head and they would be screaming the verse from John 14:6,“Jesus said to him, “I am the way, and the truth, and the life.  No one comes to the Father except through me.””  Christians have that passion and faith too, but this is where the fighting starts.  Rhyming off verses from one spiritual text against the other spiritual text.  Why?  Why the need to be right?  Do we not agree that there is only one God who created the Universe?

This need to prove our faith to be the only way is all ego getting in the way of your consciousness.  Why can’t you just agree to disagree and respect each other’s beliefs?  Imagine how much more peace we would have in this world, if people would just let people love the sport they love and not compare, or let the person love the religion they love without comparison.  Picture a world where people didn’t push their beliefs of their favorite sport on others, or where people didn’t push their beliefs of their religion on others.  Would it be peaceful?

How many of you have had a sweet,  kind-hearted person knock on your door trying to explain to you why you should be interested in hearing about their Savior?  Do you enjoy that?  I love their enthusiasm, and time that they are devoting to try and help people see the world through their eyes!  I’m sure their savior changed their life around and saved them.  That is a story worth telling and sharing for sure and I think it is very honorable, but out of all the people I have opened my door too, I’ve immediately shut my mind off to hearing what they are trying to explain to me.  Again, I think their heart is definitely in the right spot, but my brain isn’t ready to listen to what they have to say.  I need to get there in my own time, and my own way.

Our world has evolved incredibly.  Before I would have been burned at the stake for expressing this to the world.  People would be banished by family members for saying such bold statements.  But, thankfully we are starting to wake up to the thoughts that maybe, there is more to this life than what we’ve been taught.  I like the way Swedenborg explains it all.  He says in Revelation Explained 950.3, “Whatever you love more than anything else, that is your god.”  We might not see ourselves as worshiping any other God but our God, but we are all guilty of having these outside “gods” like work, alcohol, drugs, food, sex, shopping, even a sport.  Whatever your addiction may, be that you are putting ahead of God, then that is worshiping another god.

Doesn’t this make so much sense?  Let’s kill our spiritual egos and stop this fighting over which religion is “the only one” and just love the Divine Creator of this incredible Universe. There is only one!!!

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Impress or Express?

Social media.  Isn’t it a great thing?  The only social media that I am accustomed to using is Facebook, and I guess that is referred to by the younger population as “only for old people.”  I don’t consider myself to be old, but I guess I am in comparison to the little tikes that are on social media now days.  I am trying to bust my way on Instagram, but even that I don’t totally understand yet.  I guess I will continue to use the “old people” method.

This old person scrolls through social media quite often while waiting in the grocery line, during my breaks at work, waiting for my take-out order at a restaurant, or any time I find myself waiting around for something.  That is what I use social media for, and of course, my blogs.  I also store my pictures on Facebook.  There is nothing like seeing a picture from seven years ago to make your heart sink.

As I scroll through these sites seeing people updating your status constantly, I always think, why are you doing that?  Some people are constantly posting selfies, especially the teeny-boppers, and again I think why are they doing that?  Some people feel the need to constantly let the world know what they are doing through social media.  Why do they feel the need to do this?

Finally one of my spiritual courses that I am taking shed some light on this for me.  Applying Shamatic and Spiritual Principles to Awaken Your Soul is a course I started taking because it was in line with my New Year’s Resolution to get rid of my ego, but I am learning so much more than I thought I would with this course.  Did you know that neediness can strip yourself of spiritual energy?  I had no idea!

He explains, that people’s need to express themselves like this on social media as a form of fulfilling a need.  They are consciously or unconsciously seeking validation from others but the sad part is that when we do this we are giving our spiritual energy to others.  If our lives are full of drama that we share with others in an unconscious attempt to get their love, support or attention, then this is giving away our spiritual energy by seeking love outside of ourselves.  I knew how important self-love was, but I didn’t realize it was this important.   I need all the spiritual energy I can get.

I teach a classroom of 25 very needy ten year olds who get overly emotional about many different life situations.  I expect this from a ten year old, but I am sure you all have those others in your life that make the littlest things into the biggest of problems.  Dwelling on their problems and not letting things go.  If you are one of these people, you should ask yourself the question, why?  This why will actually set you free and stop sucking the spiritual energy from you.

The rule of thumb is to keep in mind two little words.  Impress and express.  If you are doing something to IMPRESS someone, then you know that is your neediness coming out.  If you are thinking about the reaction of others, then we are seeking their approval.  You are being needy. If you are doing it to EXPRESS yourself and who you are to others and don’t really care what people think then that is a different story.  If you feel wonderful about who you are and are not seeking to be externally validated by others, than that is not being needy.  It’s about the inside of who we are.  Not the outside.

Be conscious about your actions.  If you give a compliment to someone are you giving the compliment to impress the person, or are you giving it to express your feelings?  When you are being funny around a bunch of your friends, are you trying to impress the people around you or are you just laughing and have fun to show people who you really are?  Keep the words impress and express in the back of your mind at all time.  Again, it is an ego thing.  If you are trying to impress, that is your ego needing validation.  If you are just expressing who you really are, that is the true you shining through.

Writing these blogs, I get people saying things to me all the time.  Positive and negative.  The funniest is when children start talking about them, and I know that they haven’t read my blogs, but obviously their parents have and are making fun of them in front of them.  That is fine with me.  I don’t let my ego get involved at all.  I am writing these to express my feelings and try to help people on their road to spirituality.  That is my target audience.  I feel it is my job to write these things that come to my brain.  They actually won’t leave my brain until I finally put them down on paper.  Am I writing them to impress people?  Not a chance.  My words cannot make a difference in egocentric, needy people.  I am writing them to express the feelings that are put in my heart to help others on their journey.

I love what Deepak Chopra says, “Be happy for no reason, like a child.  If you are happy for a reason, you are in trouble, because that reason can be taken from you.”  If you are needing people to make you happy and fill a need inside of you, then it is time to find another method of making yourself happy, like how amazing you are inside!  Self-love is all you need!  I also love this quote from Abraham Hicks, “In your neediness, you repel.  In your completeness you attract.”

It’s time for you to reclaim this spiritual energy that is rightfully yours.  It’s time to pay more attention to what you are posting on social media.  Are you posting it to boost your ego and see how many likes you will get from your latest selfie for that boost of confidence your low self-esteem is in need of?  Or are you posting it to express your feelings for that that day?  It’s always great to hear from others how wonderful you look, or how amazing you’ve become, but you should know all this in your heart without seeking outside validation.  You are imperfectly perfect…just like everyone else!

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