Wedding Withering Wonderland

Who remembers their wedding day? Wasn’t it the most magical day of your life? A little girl’s fairy-tale come true. Your special day, where you actually get to dress up like the princess that you are, with all your loved ones watching you as you make a commitment before them and God. Testifying your love for your knight in shining armor, that you will love and honor for all the days of your life. It’s surreal. At my wedding, my beloved sister-in-law read the famous verse from 1 Corinthians 13:4-7…the notorious, “Love is patient, love is kind…” I loved it. It was exactly how I felt about my handsome, soon-to-be husband.

When I was getting married, so many wise woman had oodles of advice for me. Being naïve as I am, I thought to myself…these people, aren’t marrying my husband…I have the best husband in the entire universe, I don’t need their silly stories, or advice. My life is going to be perfectly perfect. I truly felt this way. He was my every dream come true! Even better than any fairy-tale I ever dreamed of.

One of my friends even gave me a book on “The Submissive Wife”…I literally threw it in the garbage! My mind wondered, people don’t do this anymore? What wife submits to her husband? Just the thought of the word made me cringe and my blood boil. My husband and I are equal partners and I have just as much say in this relationship as him. This just goes to prove how uneducated I was. How incredibly stupid I was. Who would have known, 16 years later, I am proud to call myself a submissive wife.

As years passed, my fairy-tale, quickly became reality. Life happened, the endearing verse from 1 Corinthians 13 slowly drifted from my mind. We had two children and all of a sudden my life changed dramatically, and his…not so much. I was cut off from the real world, and he was bathing in fun…or in my mind he was. I had so much more to give this world. Don’t get me wrong my kids are my world, but my mind played tricks on me.

My self-worth plummeted. Was this my husband’s fault? No, but oh…my…goodness…he was the person that I took it out on. I was bitterly bitter. Fire ran through my veins every time that he got out, and I was trapped home. He wanted me to do things, get out…but I never would. I wanted to be with my kids, but I wanted him to want to stay home too. That wasn’t him though. As the kids got easier, life got more hectic. Sports, homework, work, being a housewife, a mom, a coach, a chef, a nurse, a judge, a psychologist…I thought I was going to crack completely up. Again, whose fault was it…my own, but who did I blame it all on?…You guessed it! My husband! My Knight in Shining Amour!

All this anxiety and bitterness takes a huge toll on a marriage. It is nothing like I dreamed my life would be like with my amazing husband back in 1999…but, did he change? Absolutely not…he is still the hilarious, handsome, fun-loving, caring, absolutely adorable man who is the best dad in the world. Then, what changed? ME!
I went from a state of total adoration of my husband, to a life of bitterness and resentment. Why? Because I let the stress of life bring me down. Instead of praying about it, I grumbled about it to anyone who would listen…Did you know it gives advice on how to be a wife in the bible? I didn’t! Proverbs 12:4 tells us, “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones.” I definitely was bringing shame on my man. I also love, Proverbs 14:1, “The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down.” I was definitely tearing my house down…tearing HIM down.

Since I made the change to be the submissive wife that he deserves, and the wife God wanted me to be, he’s back to being my knight in shining armor. I lined things up in our lives, the way it says to in the bible, life couldn’t be better. Why was I so blind to the reality that everything has an order, and the order is for a reason? Why did I cringe at the word submissive? Because that is what society tells us impressionable young adults. If only they explained the word submissive…it doesn’t mean less respect, it doesn’t mean that I’m worthless, it just means, that everything has an order, and the husband is the head of the home.

My husband is the head of the home, and he does a fantastic job at it! He owns two restaurants, and runs them with amazing leadership, and he runs his home with even more talent. That’s a lot of pressure on a man, but he does it with ease. He’s a born leader, and such a well-respected man within our community and his restaurant franchise. Why was I bucking the nature of what God wanted our relationship to be? He’s a tremendous person, and values me and my opinion.

Why did it take me so long to realize my place in our world…if only I lived by the words that his sister read at our wedding, and when I was feeling isolated, I should have turned to God for companionship…he’s the only person who can give us what we need. My husband would give me the world if he could, but, only God knows what I need, and only God can fulfill my area of need…not my husband!

Please learn from my naivety, and let the order of authority happen in your home and your relationship. Watch the magic unfold! Your fairy-tale will come true!

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Snow Day Priorities

snowMost Canadians love a great snow day…especially the students and teachers and luckily I’m a teacher. When we get about 30 centimeters of snow, the entire city will shut-down and we get a nice quiet day at home with our family. It is priceless!

I love them because I get to get caught up on my time in my home. Being held captive in your own home is a good thing now and then. You get caught up on your laundry, get to play some board games with your children and cook a nice meal that isn’t rushed. Some days I even grab a nap! There is nothing like a good afternoon snuggle with the kids and a nap. It’s just icing on the cake.

As I age, and learn through my mistakes, I’m learning that sometimes we get our priorities out of order. It wasn’t until my quest to become a better wife that I learned that the husband should be a wife’s number one priority. Man, did I ever have my priorities all wrong. My list of priorities went more like this: my children, my work, my gymnasts that I coach, running the home properly, my friends, and then when I could find time, I would squeeze a little time for my husband.

Instead of giving him my best, I was giving him what was left of my life after all my other commitments. Thank goodness I finally came to the conclusion that things had to change. I’m very fortunate that this became my New Year’s Resolution, because I started to do my research and found out that I had it all wrong. I was so busy making sure that my children were going to be successful, I forgot that without having their father in their world, their lives would come crashing down.

Before snow days were all about catching up on things I needed to do, but this year, things changed. Our last snow day, I got up earlier than the rest of the house and spent my time with God, but after that it was back to cuddle with my husband this time, and not the kids. Then it was make my husband’s favorite breakfast, instead of my picky-eater of a son I have. If he didn’t like what I was making he is old enough now to make his own toast.
Then my husband and I watch 3 episodes of our favorite Netflix original program and cuddled on the couch watching the snow accumulate. This time, the kids played board games together while I was spending some catch-up time with their father. Did it hurt the children any? Absolutely not. Instead they were learning what a healthy marriage should look like.

Finally, I made dinner…my call this time…and as the snow slowed down my husband ventured out to our local restaurant to try and get it open for the public. Now, that my husband was gone to work, I had lots of time to spend some alone time with the children. My housework might not have been finished, my laundry might not have been caught up, but I was prioritizing this extra spare time that the snow day left me, and since my children are third on my list of priorities, I owed it to them to spend quality time with them.

You can judge me if you wish, but the way I had my priorities previously wasn’t working. Proverbs 12:4 is a verse that I became to love, “A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones.” Not only was I decay to my husband’s bones, I was also decaying my entire family unit.

If you were to list your priorities, would they have looked more like my first list, or would it be in line with my second list? We all have to prioritize, and this is difficult. Please believe me that when we prioritize our husbands before our children it is a win-win situation. It is the way that God created it. We can frown on it, and go with the way society of today feels it should be…which I was very guilty of…or we can follow the instructions in the Bible.

I’ve had it both ways, and trust me, the way that the good Lord made it initial is definitely the most rewarding for you, your husband and your children. Make the change today, and enjoy your extra time with the people that need your attention the most, and watch the instant change. My husband still rubs it in to the children that he is number one, but the kids completely understand and love it too!

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