Who remembers their wedding day? Wasn’t it the most magical day of your life? A little girl’s fairy-tale come true. Your special day, where you actually get to dress up like the princess that you are, with all your loved ones watching you as you make a commitment before them and God. Testifying your love for your knight in shining armor, that you will love and honor for all the days of your life. It’s surreal. At my wedding, my beloved sister-in-law read the famous verse from 1 Corinthians 13:4-7…the notorious, “Love is patient, love is kind…” I loved it. It was exactly how I felt about my handsome, soon-to-be husband.
When I was getting married, so many wise woman had oodles of advice for me. Being naïve as I am, I thought to myself…these people, aren’t marrying my husband…I have the best husband in the entire universe, I don’t need their silly stories, or advice. My life is going to be perfectly perfect. I truly felt this way. He was my every dream come true! Even better than any fairy-tale I ever dreamed of.
One of my friends even gave me a book on “The Submissive Wife”…I literally threw it in the garbage! My mind wondered, people don’t do this anymore? What wife submits to her husband? Just the thought of the word made me cringe and my blood boil. My husband and I are equal partners and I have just as much say in this relationship as him. This just goes to prove how uneducated I was. How incredibly stupid I was. Who would have known, 16 years later, I am proud to call myself a submissive wife.
As years passed, my fairy-tale, quickly became reality. Life happened, the endearing verse from 1 Corinthians 13 slowly drifted from my mind. We had two children and all of a sudden my life changed dramatically, and his…not so much. I was cut off from the real world, and he was bathing in fun…or in my mind he was. I had so much more to give this world. Don’t get me wrong my kids are my world, but my mind played tricks on me.
My self-worth plummeted. Was this my husband’s fault? No, but oh…my…goodness…he was the person that I took it out on. I was bitterly bitter. Fire ran through my veins every time that he got out, and I was trapped home. He wanted me to do things, get out…but I never would. I wanted to be with my kids, but I wanted him to want to stay home too. That wasn’t him though. As the kids got easier, life got more hectic. Sports, homework, work, being a housewife, a mom, a coach, a chef, a nurse, a judge, a psychologist…I thought I was going to crack completely up. Again, whose fault was it…my own, but who did I blame it all on?…You guessed it! My husband! My Knight in Shining Amour!
All this anxiety and bitterness takes a huge toll on a marriage. It is nothing like I dreamed my life would be like with my amazing husband back in 1999…but, did he change? Absolutely not…he is still the hilarious, handsome, fun-loving, caring, absolutely adorable man who is the best dad in the world. Then, what changed? ME!
I went from a state of total adoration of my husband, to a life of bitterness and resentment. Why? Because I let the stress of life bring me down. Instead of praying about it, I grumbled about it to anyone who would listen…Did you know it gives advice on how to be a wife in the bible? I didn’t! Proverbs 12:4 tells us, “An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones.” I definitely was bringing shame on my man. I also love, Proverbs 14:1, “The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down.” I was definitely tearing my house down…tearing HIM down.
Since I made the change to be the submissive wife that he deserves, and the wife God wanted me to be, he’s back to being my knight in shining armor. I lined things up in our lives, the way it says to in the bible, life couldn’t be better. Why was I so blind to the reality that everything has an order, and the order is for a reason? Why did I cringe at the word submissive? Because that is what society tells us impressionable young adults. If only they explained the word submissive…it doesn’t mean less respect, it doesn’t mean that I’m worthless, it just means, that everything has an order, and the husband is the head of the home.
My husband is the head of the home, and he does a fantastic job at it! He owns two restaurants, and runs them with amazing leadership, and he runs his home with even more talent. That’s a lot of pressure on a man, but he does it with ease. He’s a born leader, and such a well-respected man within our community and his restaurant franchise. Why was I bucking the nature of what God wanted our relationship to be? He’s a tremendous person, and values me and my opinion.
Why did it take me so long to realize my place in our world…if only I lived by the words that his sister read at our wedding, and when I was feeling isolated, I should have turned to God for companionship…he’s the only person who can give us what we need. My husband would give me the world if he could, but, only God knows what I need, and only God can fulfill my area of need…not my husband!
Please learn from my naivety, and let the order of authority happen in your home and your relationship. Watch the magic unfold! Your fairy-tale will come true!